On Being Hungry

Jobless and broke? No need to go hungry. All you need is your wits, a sense of thrift and a repressed gag reflex. Here's a couple of suggestions for simple culinary delights you can make on the cheap.

Baked beans on toast - $0.50
A perennial classic. Make sure you buy store-brand beans. If they don't taste like small lumps of boiled cardboard, you're doing it wrong, and you should probably feel bad.

Mi Goreng (Ramen) with Soy Sauce - $0.20
How can you go wrong? Both Mi Goreng and Soy Sauce are reputed to contain carcinogenic substances, but who believes what scientists say these days? I call this meal the "Deepwater Horizon".

Bread - $0.10
If you think bread is boring, you're dead wrong! Bread is much more versatile than you can imagine. If you're willing to step outside your comfort zone, you can be endlessly creative. For instance, try boiling a slice of toast, then sprinkling it with salt and pepper. If you can't afford salt and pepper, try gravel - it's rich in sodium and random shit that tastes vaguely peppery. Watch out for shards of glass though!

Floor Sweepings - $0.00
If you're living in a share house and not eating your kitchen floor sweepings, you're missing out! Lots of people drop food on the floor when preparing food, thinking, "oh, I'll clean that up later". That's where you come in! Many a time have I been able to gather together a hearty meal of meat and two veg just by scooting around the kitchen with a brush and shovel. If you find this degrading, do it when everyone's asleep!